What is "benching" in the context of modern dating, and how does it differ from ghosting?

**Benching in modern dating is when someone keeps you as a backup option, not fully committing to a relationship but also not completely cutting you off** [1, 2]. Unlike ghosting, where someone abruptly disappears, benching involves maintaining inconsistent contact and interest, leaving you in a state of uncertainty about your role in their life. You are kept on the sidelines, not fully included, but also not totally excluded. This makes it a form of emotional purgatory in dating [2].

What are the key signs that I might be getting benched by someone I'm dating?

Several subtle signs indicate that you might be benched. These include **flaky behavior with frequent cancellations and broken promises, inconsistent communication with delayed replies, "hot and cold" behavior where they show intense interest at times, followed by indifference, making excuses to avoid deeper commitment, and dodging any discussions about a future together** [3, 4]. Essentially, they maintain a connection, but not enough to build a real relationship [5]. You may feel like you're being kept on the sidelines [1].

How does being "benched" affect a person's emotional well-being and self-esteem?

**Being benched can be emotionally distressing.** It creates confusion and uncertainty about your worth and importance to the other person [5, 6]. The inconsistent behavior can make you question your own actions and feelings [5]. The feeling of being a backup plan or a "plan B" can lead to feelings of inadequacy and low self-esteem [5]. The mixed signals and lack of commitment can be very damaging and lead to emotional manipulation [6].

If I think I am being benched, what steps can I take to address the situation?

If you suspect you're being benched, the first step is to **have a clear, honest conversation with the person** [6]. Directly address what you're looking for in a relationship and see if they are on the same page [6]. If they are not willing to commit or show genuine interest, it's important to move on [6]. Don't allow yourself to be treated like a backup plan [6, 7]. Your long-term happiness is more important than any uncertainty. Be direct and clear about your need for commitment.

How can I avoid being benched and find a genuine partner who is serious about marriage?

To avoid being benched, **focus on clear communication and watch out for the signs of benching in the early stages of dating** [3, 4]. Be assertive in stating your intentions and your desire for a serious relationship. If someone is giving mixed signals, or not showing commitment, it’s best to move on and seek someone who appreciates you [6]. Look for partners who are willing to talk about a future together, not dodge it [4]. Seek out genuine connections with individuals who are looking for the same level of commitment you are. Your perfect match is not going to put you on the bench [7].

Move Over, Ghosting: "Benching" Is the New Dating Nightmare

If you’re feeling left out by a date, they might be benching you, putting you on the back burner for later.

Apparently, there’s a new trend in the modern dating world—and it’s arguably nastier than ghosting.

Imagine you’re dating someone, but things aren’t quite…official.

They’re not disappearing act-style ghosting you, but they’re also not really committing. It’s like they’re keeping you on the sidelines, just in case their first choice doesn’t work out.

Welcome to the world of “benching.”

What Benching Really Is

You know that feeling when you’re not exactly excluded, but you’re not quite included either? Just kind of… there?

You’re confused about your role in someone’s life. Are they really into you or you’re just there because they have no other choice?

Gen Z has a new term for this: benching, an emotional purgatory of modern dating.

Think of it like this: you’re not getting ghosted (totally left out), but you’re not exactly invited to the party either. You’re stuck on the sidelines, watching someone else score while you’re left out wondering if your number will ever be called.

You’re kept just close enough to string you along, but never close enough for a real connection. You’re the backup plan, the plan B, the one on the sideline while someone else gets to play the game.

Sounds messy, right?

So, how does benching in dating work? It’s all about mixed signals and half-hearted gestures.

Are You Being Benched?

Benching is awful. One time you’re the favorite, then the next you’re ignored. It messes with your head, making you wonder what you did wrong.

And the worst part? You don’t even know when it’s happening. You’re just left hanging, feeling confused and unimportant.

Beware of the subtle signs, for benching often hides in plain sight:

Flaky Friend Level 100

Plans fall apart faster than sandcastles in a storm. They often cancel the dates that have been planned out a long time ago, but promise to make it up to you. Unfortunately, those are just promises. Texts or chats take days to get a reply. And commitment? Don’t even get started.

Hot and Cold Like a Temperamental Oven

Katy Perry’s “Hot N Cold” song will be your favorite if you are being benched. One minute they’re sending heart emojis, the next they’d rather cuddle with a cactus, and you’re left questioning your reality and sanity.

Busy Bee Award Winner

They’ve got excuses for why they can’t commit more than a hamster has wheels. Work deadlines, family emergencies, probably even a sudden meteor shower—anything to avoid a real connection.

Future? What Future?

Don’t hold your breath for a fairy tale ending with this one. With benching, you’re not even part of their first chapter. Mentioning “us” or “together” is like whispering a forbidden language. They’ll dodge it faster than a dodgeball champion.

How to Deal With Being Benched

Remember, benching thrives on ambiguity. The person keeps you just close enough to dangle the possibility, but never close enough to feel secure.

Have a clear, honest conversation about what you’re looking for and see if they’re on the same page. Don’t waste your time on someone who can’t decide.

If they don’t show genuine interest, it’s time to move on. There are plenty of people out there who will appreciate you for who you are.

Keep in mind that benching is just another form of emotional manipulation. Don’t let anyone treat you like a backup plan.

Your happy-ever-after awaits, but it’s not on the bench; it’s out there, waiting for you to take the lead and write your own story.