Why Arguing Signifies a Healthy Relationship

A photo of a couple in the middle of the sea.
Arguing in relationships is normal and shouldn’t be discouraged.

Everyone knows that communication is a vital role when it comes to achieving a healthy relationship. But most people don’t know that communicating well also involves being able to argue fairly or productively.

As such, most couples try their best to avoid arguments in fear of the relationship coming to an end or for its harmony to be interrupted, up to the point that they keep their thoughts, and most of the time, hatred, to themselves unresolved.

They often forget that arguing in relationships is normal because of these two important truths that they should always keep in mind:

  1. Disagreements are inevitable; and,

  2. Anger is a natural emotion.

They assume that an argument-free relationship equates to a healthy relationship. Wrong! It’s the other way around, and here’s why:

Healthy arguments indicate growth.

It is impossible for two people to never disagree with each other – even if these two recite love poems together, it’s still utterly impossible. And those who realize this truth are the ones who have truly matured both as a partner and as a person.

With arguments, couples continually challenge each other to grow, strive, and that instead of avoiding a situation, they realize that it’s better to address issues now than to resort to a big fight later.

How to handle arguments in a relationship?

Well, in healthy arguments, there’s no name-calling, there’s no threatening, and there’s no throwing of baseless accusations – factors that set arguing apart from fighting.

Mature couples know to set aside time for themselves to talk their problems through. They let their concerns out constructively, which means they are more composed and have the willingness to look at things through their partner’s perspective.

When a couple realizes this and engages themselves in a healthy argument, growth is guaranteed not just individually, but also in the relationship.

Healthy arguments acknowledge emotions.

Instead of letting things pass, which ultimately ends in a much later heated fight, couples that argue productively acknowledge their partner’s feelings and points of views.

They acknowledge that feeling angry or disappointed is natural. Yes, everyone aspires to lessen feeling such emotions, but it’s not right to discourage people from feeling them.

A photo of a sad woman.
Healthy relationships also involve acknowledging your partner’s emotions.

If emotions are suppressed and denied venting out, there will come a time when the person explodes, which could then lead to impulsive decisions such as ending the relationship right there and then.

Furthermore, when a person’s emotion isn’t acknowledged, it will only result in repeated and constant arguing in a relationship – the perfect definition of fighting. Aimless fighting prevents the couple from addressing the actual issue because they keep going back to the previous unresolved matter.

By arguing fairly, not only does the couple’s emotions receive validation, but they also avoid recycling issues or becoming “historical.”

Healthy arguments mean caring for each other.

Did you know that married couples who seldom argue are actually the ones who often end up divorcing? This is according to clinical psychologist Deborah Grody who, in addition, said that this indicates a couple not caring enough for each other to even start an argument.

When they do, they usually start by pointing out what their partner has failed to do or hastily confront them for not doing the things that they expect them to do. They endlessly complain but seldom consider looking at the root of their complaints.

Healthy arguments don’t involve complaining or blaming each other. Instead, you freely but respectfully talk about how you feel and propose solutions to prevent feeling pained, confused, or disappointed again.

This debunks the common misconception that compassion is only shown through compromising or understanding your partner every time, even if it already bothers you.

Arguments don’t break a couple, it brings a couple closer instead.

By engaging in healthy arguments, not only do you and your partner care about each other, but you also care about the relationship you built together.

The only thing that’s alarming about this is repeating the same argument, which indicates that the argument wasn’t fair, healthy, nor productive in the first place.

The Difference Between Fighting and Arguing

Obviously, at this point, you realize that arguing is far more associated with healthy relationships than fighting. But what really sets these two apart?

It all lies in the objective. When fighting, the end goal is to win, whereas in arguing, the end goal is to be heard, to allow yourself to express your side, and to resolve matters.

A photo of a couple arguing.
Fighting and arguing may appear the same, but these two have significant differences.

Arguments entail that you want your partner to understand your point, likewise, they want to understand what you are trying to explain. You both have different opinions, and you respect that.

In arguing, a couple knows very well that destructively attacking each other’s character will do them or their relationship no good.

On the other hand, fighting doesn’t center on resolving a conflict. Instead, it craves dominance over the other partner.

Consequently, fighting lasts longer because no one is willing to understand the other party and only cares about winning the fight. In short, fighting is clearly for immature couples.

How to Have a Healthy Argument

Now that you know how arguing in relationships helps couples achieve lasting bonds and prevents lasting fights or conflicts, here are five helpful tips for you to start practicing healthy or fair arguments with your partner:

  1. To understand each other well, take turns talking and listening.

  2. Focus on the actual problem instead of namecalling or attacking your partner personally.

  3. Never threaten your partner about leaving or finding someone better.

  4. Try using an assuring tone to remind your partner that you’re not in for an aimless fight.

  5. Figure out together how to make things work instead of arguing about who is right.

Mastering the art of arguing fairly doesn’t mean that you will no longer have arguments in the future. Again, it’s natural to have disagreeing opinions, which is why arguments will always be there.

But by arguing fairly, you learn how to address these issues productively, resolve them, and avoid the toxic practice of bringing up the same issues again and again.

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