Overcoming Rejection While Dating Overseas

A photo of an angry woman covering her face with a book Overcoming rejection is necessary in finding true love.

At some point in every man’s life, he is bound to find himself rolling in the gutter, his spirit defeated and beaten like it had been gang-mugged at some dark back alley slum. How rejection affects a man varies, but the feeling is almost always bitter. In the end, overcoming rejection will be a skill all men will need to call upon several times over in life.

Being rejected by a foreign woman is a special matter in and of itself. The psychological effects of rejection from a woman alone can be immense.

Imagine this: You are an American man on a first date with a woman from Shenzhen, China. You are positive that the evening will end well, only to have reality slap you in the face - literally - for a misjudgment in humor. At this point, it would only be natural to conclude that you are reprehensible to women not just from your own country, but from the general Eastern hemisphere as well.

While the ultimate goal is to move on with life, that doesn’t just happen immediately. The reason why time heals wounds is that pain likes to take its sweet time to marinate within every pore of your being. However, if your goal is to find real, authentic, and lasting love, you need to take whatever is coming to you because rejection is almost always inevitable.

Dealing with the immediate pain.

Your cheek may be beet red, but it’s really your ego that’s hurting. It’s usually right after rejection that we feel most vulnerable, hurt, and alone. The way you deal with it for the first few hours up to the next couple of days will matter a great deal to your emotional health.

The painkiller of choice for many men is alcohol. In this case, your immediate response is to look for the nearest local bar or convenience store and order the strongest concoction. If you are in a foreign country, this might prove tricky because unless you can read the labels on the bottles, you might not know what you are getting. Many a heartbroken lad has ended up in the hospital for drinking out of his mind. It is best to caution against this lest you escalate your already distressed situation.

A more advisable option would be to seek out a friend, and more specifically, a best friend or relative. You don’t need to ask for dating advice, simply being in good company will make you feel so much better. Just don’t look for comfort from an ex-girlfriend or a female “friend,” you may just end up making things extremely complicated.

When someone rejects you, you develop a strong feeling of being alone. The feelings of solitude are highly depressing, which is why being around a friend or support group is vital in your ability to move on.

Another great way to deal with the immediate pain is to exercise. Jogging, running, or playing sports helps release pent-up tension in your body. It isn’t certain, however, that doing something extreme, like base jumping or no-harness rock climbing, is the best means of therapy after having gone through a gut-wrenching rejection.

Whatever your method of overcoming rejection is, make sure that it is at least safe, if not effective.

The aftermath - looking inward.

Once the immediate pain subsides, you need to evaluate your romantic state. Eventually, you will need to get back on your horse and meet other women. The most realistic dating advice can come from your own experience.

Never attempt to honestly discern things while you are still hurting. Feelings of rejection will cloud your ability to see things objectively.

So what do you do now that you feel better?

First off, figure out what went wrong. Is it something you need to change about yourself? Perhaps you have a character trait that rubs off wrong with the kind of women you go out with. Can you attempt to make these changes?

How do foreign women react to you? Was it something you said?

In the end, we tend to overcorrect. The key is to figure out if you can make self-improvements without compromising who you are and what values you hold.

A classic example of overcorrecting is when guys get rejected for being “too nice.” They then think to themselves, “Too nice huh? I guess nice guys always finish last. Well, they won’t be getting Mr. Nice Guy next time!” They then do a complete 180 and put up a fake bad boy persona, which really gets them into more trouble than they bargained for.

When a girl rejects you for being “too nice,” it’s her way of saying you’re not what she is looking for. So it’s fair game. Move on. You don’t need to change, you’re just not her type. There is always someone looking for a “Mr. Nice Guy,” so make sure you get acquainted with that person.

Of course, we can always improve on the minor points - our dinner etiquette, our grooming, or even the way we converse. But a lot of the time when we are dealing with romantic rejection, we tend not to see the bigger picture - it’s not your fault, you’re just not compatible. Overcoming rejection isn’t about changing who you are, it’s about moving on and finding the right person for you.

There is always someone out there for you.

Dealing with pain invites the pessimist in you. The reality is that your immediate failure is not the end, but simply a bump in the road. Successfully overcoming rejection needs a hopeful spirit.

There are great things about dating overseas. First off, if you are unsuccessful, no one knows about it but you. Consider your embarrassment saved. Also, you are dating overseas! For every foreign woman that rejects you, dozens more would kill to be with a guy like you! Metaphorically, of course.

Think about it: With nearly 4 billion women on earth, the odds of you finding the right woman are astronomical. Even if you have to date 20 women in a row, wouldn’t you consider it worth it if it meant finding the one true love of your life?

Overcoming rejection is simply a reality men need to face in the love game. If you are willing to learn from the pain and keep a strong resolve, then love truly is just around the corner.

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